It's not you, it's me... no wait... It's you

Many things make me sad. But nothing truly crushes me more than telling someone their dog has begun to show aggressive behavior to other dogs and can no longer come to daycare.  I take that back-- one thing does crush me more... telling someone that for a second time.  Why does this happen? Multiple reasons actually-- and far too many that I am not qualified to detail here.  But the most frequent cause is most typically your dog simply reached maturity and with maturity comes their true temperament.  What I mean by dog aggressive is that a dog is not in control of their behavior in a group setting of multiple dogs-- this means places like daycare or the dog park.  Where it's possible you may live in a multi-dog home and everyone knows their place and gets along-- I guarantee that somewhere along the way you saw an inkling of your dog's behavior. 

Dogs are dogs and they don't sit down and necessarily weigh out the consequences of their behavior.  So of course there will be snits and little spats, this is normal-- just as the snits and spats you might have had with a sibling or best friend growing up.  But the important thing is that it is controllable.  When some dogs reach maturity and can not deal with chaotic environments they are NOT in control or capable of drawing that line and a simple "NO" can morph into a flat out dog fight.

Daycares and dog parks represent chaos-- no matter how well run, no matter how well staffed or policed, it is a chaotic environment.  Many dogs simply cannot manage this level of chaos and it can come out in aggressive or severe anxiety reactions.  Let's face it, many humans cannot handle chaotic environments and steer clear.  And sadly, still many humans cannot handle this level of chaos but continue to put themselves into this type of environment which doesn't end well for anyone.  If you have one dog who shows this behavior and a second dog who does not, it's pretty critical to not just cut off the second dog from any form of social activity. When you do this, you can alter a dog's social ability dramatically.  It crushed me initially when my oldest starting showing signs of dog aggression.  We always knew she was a dominant female, but as she matured this became a very heavy issue both at home and obviously at daycare.  I worked some heavy behavioral plans, but to no avail-- she would never be "safe" to have at daycare again.  Initially I was heartbroken, but the thing I refused to do was to isolate her and stop socializing my other dogs.

The most critical thing we ever did was maintain a severely high level of obedience and compliance and ACKNOWLEDGED that group activity outside the home and her siblings would never be a viable option. But we go out, we do things, we don't isolate.  The second bigger portion of acknowledging her behavior style was to not isolate the other dogs in our home.  I understand the feeling of "failure" and the feeling that you won't ever feel comfortable taking your dog out-- but committing everyone to a life of solitude is not the answer.  I can promise you further heartache and frustration.  I'm not trying be the one to say "I told you so" either-- I never truly derive that much pleasure out of that.  But it is never, ever, ever, too late to start over.

A White Girl's Prejudice

I'm a college educated (and for waaaaaay too long), middle-aged, Republican (most people I know will be offended by this more than anything), White, American female.  I'm about as milk toast as they come.  If the job of Marcia Brady hadn't already been filled I could have been her.  I haven't personally been denied anything because of these statistics, but to say I have not experienced prejudice is an unfair statement. 

When I walk my Great Pyrenees people openly gawk and smile, run up and want to snuggle them, come out of the woodwork to ask what they are.  When I walk my pit bulls people steer clear.  No one comes up to me to ask if they can pet my dogs. The majority of the time, people openly stare (especially if it is summer and the tatts are hanging out)-- frequently with disgust, as I parade my marauding flesh eating monsters down the street.  Never mind that Emma is just about the cutest thing you will ever see sporting her humongous chest, tiny little rear, pointy face and Moo Cow pattern.  The fact that she is walking next to a cold, hard looking black bitch is enough.

Today someone stopped to inquire about daycare for their dog.  The first question out of the mouth was, "Do pit bulls come here?"  I responded with a question, versus an answer.  "Are you wanting to adopt?! OMG that's fabulous! I work with local shelters!"  Instead of letting her interrupt, I explained how many wonderful pit bulls were my clients.  I continued to explain that the only dogs I had thrown out of daycare happened to be a number of mixes, a chocolate lab, and a golden retriever.  "What kind of dog do you have!!!?" ... I excitedly asked.  "A chocolate lab" said the woman with a frown.  I said with a deflated sigh.... "Ohhhhhh.  Have you been turned down by other daycares and that's why you're here!?"


"Why would anyone turn us down?!" she indignantly demanded.  I said, "Haven't there been a number of situations with labs recently with attacks and biting and stuff!?   I totally saw it in the paper, I think!"  To which she responded, "That's just crazy! That's the media! That's biased sensationalism!!! Do you mean to tell me you don't let labs in here!!?"

I responded by telling her, "I let all breeds of dog pass through these gates.  Most are ready but some are not.  Sometimes some dogs need more support to make it in a large group of dogs-- we can offer that.  I don't believe in discrimination.  Do you?"

When she said she felt discrimination was an "ugly, ugly thing" I had to say that I agreed with her.  I never saw that "spark" that let's you know someone just understood you... that they totally and unequivocally "got" you.  So whether or not she even heard me is beyond me as I write.  She took information, thanked me and left.  Will she call? Who knows.  Will she suddenly realize that SHE was practicing discrimination, that "ugly, ugly thing", when she is driving down the road? Who knows.  But if a chocolate lab shows up I'll be sure to whisper in the pit bulls ears that they need to be as nice as possible to our newest guest.

It's True. I Never Liked you Much...

I'm an ageist. I've never disguised that fact. Ever.  I don't like most young people.  Hell-- I don't like a lot of old people either.  I was a train wreck when I was a young adult.  But I DID learn from each derailment and crash.  I learned that you can sit around and bitch and moan all you want but it never seems to change anything except put you in a worse mood.  I learned that you have to take chances if you ever want to be happy.  I don't mean idiocy like drinking and driving, having unprotected sex, or other moronic choices.  I mean chances in life that could yield a complete and total flop of an outcome. So the next time I hear some 20-something bitching about how awful their job is, how they hate the drama, how this is wrong and that is wrong and the Man just battin' ya down-- steer clear.  I'm liable to take your snotty little ass over my knee. 

If you think it's so damn easy to be the boss, then why aren't you?  If you think it's a cake walk to own your own business, why don't you? It's because it takes motivation, courage, and a shitload of conviction.  If I had the money, I would open up a "business" for every person that wanted one.  And I would sit back and watch their reaction when their employees treated them like shit, didn't bother to show up for work on time more than 3 times in over 4 years, wasted their resources, treated their customers like pariahs, or couldn't be bothered to even stay awake long enough to perform the minimum requirements of the job. 

I imagine we would have a lot to talk about after this.  I also imagine you would probably not make the connection that you were dealing with "yourself" just a few short years ago and most likely not much has changed.  So when you start railing on your employer and what a shithole you work in and how you can't stand the "drama"-- ask yourself... Why the hell are you still there?  If you have no other choices in life, why is that... and what are you doing about it?  If my business goes down in flames and I drown in the sea of debt I am treading water in I will go down having had the best damn run of my life and a lot of wonderful memories.

So.  What's your excuse for today?